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"Amazon Warriors" is a German website dedicated to the "Sword and Sandal" (or more appropriately "Schwert und Sandale") genre of Fantasy science fiction action film clips, done in the style of the old '40s and '50s low-budget B-films (whether or not this is intentional is unknown to me, but it’s fun to see the genre continue on). The story arc is that there are two tribes of Amazonian warrior women who are at war, but the complete story isn't told in just one film but rather in “episodes” lasting for about eight to ten minutes. Many of the films deal with the woman battling each other with swords, pikes, and short bows while clad in nothing but loincloths and leather gauntlets. Gladiatrix battles are a recurring plot line, with two women going at it with the gladius (short sword) and parma (small, round shield) and the occasional broadsword (after all, this is made in Germany and they do love their broadswords). Other than the queen, all of the warriors are topless, which is just the way you would expect female warriors to be, right?
In this episode, Forgive Me , the queen of the jungle amazons has been captured by the queen of the city amazons. That’s where the movie begins – no backstory, no explanation. But then, in these types of films, do we really need one?
I'm going to start off with a complaint. First, if you're going to tie someone up, it’s best to do a thorough job of it, particularly if you know your victim is trained in hand-to-hand combat. Apparently, the city queen (or rather the producer) didn't think of this.
I'm pretty sure most women could get out of this in five seconds.
It’s a shame they did such a lousy job with the bondage part, because the music is suitably "jungle action-ish" and the sets are very well done. The captured jungle queen is quite lovely as well, and you can hardly tell her breasts are implants. Her best attributes, though, are her abs – fit and feminine without being overly muscular.
Ok, moving on.
The city queen is reclining on her dais, admiring the abs of her prisoner, when she decides to have a spot of fun.
They trade insults, which are in (German?) with English subtitles. My eyes read "Bite me!" but my ears hear “Lick me!” I'm gonna go with my ears in this case. The city queen replies “Suit yourself” but before she gets started on licking her prize, she decides to get a gladius out of her hope chest and carve herself up some jungle queen spare ribs for a quick snack.
The jungle queen isn't too keen on that idea and defends herself as best a martial-arts trained captive jungle queen can, which involves a really good kick to the city queen’s face. The sound effects here are good, and the city queen does a fair job acting like she’s really being hit (think "professional wrestling" and you'll have a pretty good idea of what I'm talking about) and there’s even a spurt of blood from the city queen’s mouth. Naturally, since the jungle queen hasn't figured out that she could probably get her hands loose, the fight doesn't last long and the city queen wins.
I know what you're thinking, because I thought it, too. The city queen is going to cut that loincloth right off the jungle queen and give her a dose of her final humiliation, right? Because that’s what you do with a prisoner with fetching abs; you humiliate her so that you can crow about how superior you are and how helpless she is. That’s what evil queens do. Or at least, that’s what I'd do if I were an evil queen.
Instead, the city queen decides to go straight to the knife torture and slowly begins cutting away at the jungle queen’s flesh.
Let’s have another look at those abs before they're bloodied, shall we?
This goes on for a while, torturing our GIMP jungle queen with the sword-tip before the first incision is made. To the city queen’s credit, she doesn't off the jungle queen right away. Like a true B-movie evil person, she takes her time, and uses the jungle queen’s tummy as a convenient canvas for some blood-art. More insults are traded, and finally the jungle queen dares the city queen to go ahead and kill her. The city queen, not waiting for the "double dog dare ya", goes ahead and stabs her, right in those abs.
But the jungle queen doesn't die right away. The city queen didn't hit anything vital, so the jungle queen manages to hang on by doing the “woman in labor” rapid-breathing trick, which must be some sort of naturalistic healing thing. It’s a good thing the jungle queen uses her ninja powers, because one of her warriors is on her way to the rescue.
Will the jungle queen hold on long enough to be saved? How long can a person bleed internally anyway, before they finally expire? Do the jungle amazons possess supernatural powers to defy the Grim Reaper? Are they Jedi masters?
The city queen decides she isn't going to take any chances, and stabs her prisoner again, this time right in the heart. The jungle queen cries out in pain, then coughs, chokes, sputters a bit, and we see the life slowly drain from her body.
Time is running out for our hero.
The jungle warrior, following her queen’s blood trail, finds a clue that her jungle queen is being held prisoner inside the castle walls, so she kicks down the gate, charges in, and attacks the city queen.
Why use one arrow, when you can use three?
Ok, important safety tip here, fellows. When you come upon someone impaled with something… DO NOT PULL IT OUT! The object will act as a clotting tool and keep the blood from spilling into places it shouldn't spill, like abdominal cavities or out onto the ground. Apparently the jungle warrior is trained to kill and not to save lives, because the first thing she does is reach for the sword lodged in her queen’s heart and pull it out. She sets her queen on the floor, gives a tearful good-bye, and walks out the door. Cue the dramatic music, give a few camera pans of the dead queen’s torso, and call it a day.
If you're just looking for ten minutes of light-hearted escapism, this is for you. If you're into the whole sword and sandal barbarian Amazon jungle girl gladiator thing, this is worth a look. The clips are a bit pricey for what you get, but what you get are some first-rate sets with some second-rate models doing third-rate acting. But, the formula must be working because there are over 120 of these clips on the site.
Red Feline has better acting, Bound Heat has better models, and RingDivas has more athletic-looking girls. In the grand scheme of things, this studio is better than eighty percent of the other stuff out there and at least they're trying to tell a story. In my corner of the world, eighty percent will earn you a B-minus. If the clips were longer or had better bondage or more “peril”, I'd give Amazon Warrior a higher score, but as it is, it’s worth a B-.
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