You want to write a review...great! By taking this step, you're providing a valuable service for the readers of this site, and we appreciate it when you take the time to give us your opinion. And you'll even be rewarded afterward with inclusion to our prestigious Reviews section, with your very own clickable review page. Cool, huh?

So what do I write? The best reviews are a combination of information and opinion. You don't have to write about the entire plot unless you feel it's relevant. What most of us want to read are details of the "good" parts of a movie, and what you thought about them. Example: "Rick strips Lisa naked and ties her with her arms over her head. Then he takes a battery charger and shocks her nipples over and over. I thought it was a great scene!"

The KISS Principle: Keep It Short, Stupid This certainly doesn't mean you can't go into detail, but think about your audience. You don't want them to be bored. If I look at a post and it's 17 paragraphs of text, my eyes glaze over and I wonder if I want to devote 10-15 minutes into reading somebody's review. If it's too long, I might just decide to skip it entirely. So if you're going to write a lot of text, it better be damned interesting.

Vidcaps help...a lot They're certainly not required, but they can definitely make your review eye-catching, and the whole idea of writing a review is so that others will read it, right? And if it's true that a picture is worth a 1000 words, that's a 1000 fewer words you have to type! So what if you don't know how to make caps, or add them into your text? Don't be overwhelmed, I can help you. Just drop me an E-MAIL first and I can give you simple instructions on easy ways to cap and basic HTML codes that you can insert in the body of your text. I can even host the pictures for you.

Okay, how do I post it? A movie review is just like any other post to the forum. Just go to the main site and click the SIGN THE FORUM link and insert your text there. It will be converted to this section afterward.

Check your work first Now that we've moved to our new home on Ralphus.net, you can write reviews without using HTML, but if you want to add multiple pictures, using HTML helps you out and makes your review look a lot better. But regardless, you should always use the preview option on the SIGN THE FORUM page, so you can see what your review will look like in advance. That way if you made any mistakes, you can correct them there before you post.

Give the movie a grade You know, just like when you were in school. A, B, C, D or F. Everybody knows what those mean. You can review the movie as a whole or just an individual scene; it's your review.

Now give us a link Now that you've tantalized us with your review, we're gonna be so excited we just have to see it NOW. So make it easier on us. If it's on DVD or a download from a site, put a link in your Website field for a place we can order it. It will save us time having to search for it ourselves.

That's basically it. Writing reviews can be time-consuming but they are worth it. Sharing with others can be a great gift and one of the most rewarding things you can do for your fellow pervs and sick fucks. So have fun with your review and let's hear what you have to say.