Here's a quick review of one movie that won't be winning any big awards this evening: Title: See No Evil
Stars: Christina Vidal, Rachael Taylor and Kane
Director: Gregory Dark
Running time: 80 minutes.
These days, you always hope a horror movie will have something within it to satisfy a GIMPer's unique tastes.
Sadly, in the case of the WWE-produced film, See No Evil, there's nothing really there. Despite the fact it's produced by a guy (Vince McMahon) who likes showing "bra and panties" matches on primetime television, and directed by a guy (Gregory Dark) who is best known for lensing top-notch sex scenes with strumpets like Ginger Lynn, Traci Lords and Brittany O'Connell, See No Evil fails to titillate.
The movie is about an attractive group of delinquents who are sent to an abandoned hotel, where they are to renovate it into a homeless shelter in exchange for reduced time in juvenile detention. Unfortunately, the dirty old hotel is haunted by a seven-foot monster, Jacob Goodnight (Kane), who likes capturing young people and ripping their eyes out. It's part of a weird Christian thing to ensure these young people no longer "see" any evil.
There are plenty of attractive young women in the film -- Christina Vidal and Rachael Taylor are the standouts -- but there's no nudity, no scantily clad women, and the few GIMP-worthy scenes in the film flash by pretty quickly. The highlights would include:
- A scene where a fully clothed woman (Samantha Noble, as seen here: Samantha) is tied AOH to a post, with a thick cloth gag covering her mouth, and a curious Kane is running his hands over her face. The scene has potential, but it is short (38 seconds) and goes nowhere
- A scene where the same woman, Samantha Noble, is locked inside a dog cage while a fascinated Kane stands outside the cage and starts jerking off (not explicitly shown). "You pig," Samantha protests (running time: 25 seconds, excluding a flashback that appears in the middle of the scene)
- A flashback scene where Jacob and his psycho mother have a young woman bound to a bed. The young woman, who is wearing a T-shirt and short skirt, has her arms bound to the bedposts at the side, and her ankles are tied together and tied to the bed (sort of a horizontal Crucifixion look). The woman's mouth is cleave gagged by a cloth, and she squirms and writhes about. Then, the psycho mother comes over and rips her eyes out (running time: about 55 seconds).
The woman I really wanted to see in a perilous situation was Rachael Taylor (Rachael), a hot blonde whose face reminded me a bit of the character Blair from the '80s TV show, The Facts of Life. Her svelte body looks great in her sleeveless white T-shirt and blue jeans. Unfortunately, when Kane catches up with her, he kills her by jamming a cell phone down her throat, a scene that is definitely not hot. The lead actress, Puerto Rican/American star Christina Vidal, is also a stunner, but she escapes unharmed.
In the end, there's little to recommend in See No Evil. The movie is darkly lit, jumps about with all types of quick-motion zooms and jerks, and the few GIMP moments that do exist are too short to be of any value. Oh, and for those who care, the movie isn't scary.
I guess I have to give some credit for at least slipping a little bondage into the action. My grade: D.
Sorry, Mr. Dark, but New Wave Hookers this ain't
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