I am surprised that there is not a review of The Last House on the Left in the Movie Reviews section. Surely someone watched it. I was ambivalent about the remake because I had an overwhelming sense that it would deliver less than the original. Well, I finally got around to watching it and sure enough, it was a disappointment. But here's my take on it for GIMP posterity.
The Last House on the Left (2009)
Wes Craven's 1972 Last House on the Left is just one of those cult classics that ought to be left alone. What the 2009 version does is sanitizes the movie, making it a better mainstream movie, but forfeiting its cult status. I thought the remake was a fine movie, and if I hadn't loved the original, I would have really liked it.
The Last House on the Left (2009) builds to the assault of Mari Collingwood (Sara Paxton) and her friend, Paige (Martha MacIsaac), which happens a little over halfway through. The tension increases nicely, with escalating violence. There are abduction elements, although the girls are really just manhandled and hand gagged. There is a nice, brutal head-to-the-bathroom-sink moment when Paige tries to escape at the motel.
They end up out in the woods, with the SUV crashed into a tree thanks to Mari's escape attempt. The bad guys are pissed. Paige makes a run for it. She is chased and finally re-captured. Her shirt is torn off in order to use it to bind her hands behind her back. She is wearing an industrial strength black bra.
When she is brought back, the head bad guy tells his reluctant son to pick one of the girls to rape. He hesitates, so they pick Mari for him. Clothes are ripped, Mari is held down on her back, then on her stomach. Paige calls them "pathetic," diverting attention to herself. Do they strip her and rape her instead? No. One guy stabs her in the lower belly with a knife while the other guy stabs her in the lower back with another knife and they drop her to bleed to death. Prime GIMP opportunity completely wasted.
The head bad guy decides to rape Mari instead since the reluctant son won't. Her bra is ripped off, but her shirt is not. Her shorts are taken off, and her panties are taken down, and she is raped from behind. Incredibly, although the rape takes a while, there is no nudity (well, except for her bare thigh). And there is no nudity afterwards, as Mari picks herself up and arranges her clothes. And there is no nudity as she whacks the guy with a rock and runs to the nearby lake to escape.
In fact, the only nudity is gratuitous topless nudity by the bad guy's girlfriend (Riki Lindhome), who loves taking off her shirt and never wears a bra. She does it at the motel for no apparent reason, and she sleeps topless later on.
All of the really inventive violence happens to the bad guys. Except for the bad guy's girlfriend, who only gets shot.
SUMMARY: Two bad guys, a skanky girlfriend, and the reluctant son of one of the bad guys take cute teen victims Mari and Paige out into the woods. Paige is knifed, Mari is raped and escapes. The four bad people find their way to the lake house of Mari's parents, where they are found out and the movie ends with the bad guys getting theirs.
Decent build up, with knife threatening and groping, plus some hand gagging. Only one instance of bondage (wrists tied behind the back). One wasted opportunity as Paige, wearing a black bra and jeans, is only knifed. One pretty good rape involving Mari, but the complete and total lack of nudity was a major disappointment. As the only climactic GIMP scene, it left a lot to be desired.
As a movie, I would recommend this to people who like violent revenge movies. It was very, very good. As a GIMP movie, it is notable (not in a good way) for its many, many missed opportunities. Mari's rape could have been easily featured, uncut, in an American TV procedural like Law and Order: SVU. You know how you are tempted to give an even lower grade because it could have been so much more than it was, but it wasn't? I really want to whack this flick, but I'll settle for saying its GIMP rating is D.