See, the girl, is a cute senior in English Lit in Vancouver with a couple doofuses after her but apparently without much history of boyfriends and still a virgin at 22 (uh-huh) though not apparently for any reason having to do with chastity. Just hasn't found the right guy yet.

And her mother is on her 4th marriage, and can't come to the kid's graduation because her golfer hubby has a cold or something. But when we see mom and daughter together, wow! So lovey-dovey, and mom and hubby4 are playful and affectionate and form a wonderful alternative to the "sick" relationship she's in.

And Mr Grey (that's us, sick fucks!) is 27, and his first four years were spent with a crack-whore mom (you can hear the women going "Awwww, poor thing") who apparently at least burned him. But then (lucky guy) he was adopted by a well-to-do couple (happens all the time), spends several years as the submissive in a relationship with his own "Mrs. Robinson", which "frees" him. And then he goes on to become a billionaire in something having to do with telecom. OK, so maybe THAT's not so realistic, but it certainly makes him palatable to ANY woman, especially since he's "hot"(?) Meaning, I guess that he has heavy closet and a stable of costly cars.

The problem with Christian isn't that he's into S/M. He's (and this part is fairly realistic, even if it's appended onto someone else's character) unable to be touched by, won't sleep with or live with a woman, doesn't go out on dates, must have total control (and distance). He has to have a non-disclosure agreement signed before he'll start a relationship and gives his chicklet a contract with 1500 clauses she needs to "negotiate" with him. He IS a sick fuck (who somehow just happens to have become a billionaire with his remarkable people skills, of which he brags), but it ain't tying and whipping that are the problem. He's dead-empty and seriously limited as a human being.

Oh, except for the fact that he has a chauffeur and pilots his own helicopter and plays the piano and does all kinds of gentle romantic things while waiting for her to close the deal with the contract, visits her family, etc.

The girl, in one of my favorite scenes, in negotiating the contract, which requires her to approve or disapprove the various options he's offering, knows what "anal fisting" and "vaginal fisting" are (turns them both down) but doesn't know what a "butt plug" is. Your standard 22-year-old virgin, I guess.

OK, so the reason we might be interested in this flick is for the occasional bondage and discipline--certainly not torture and certainly not non-consensual, but R-rated nude--make up about 8-10 minutes of the flick. She gets wrists bound with Armani neckties and is told to keep them over her head while being fucked. Next time they are tied to the headboard. She's finally taken into his playroom (the guys from Kink are going, "WTF?!"--looks like it was done by an interior decorator--which of course makes it more acceptable to the chicks). The scene isn't terrible in terms of erotic bondage, but it's VERY tame and all about how much she's digging it.

Then (spoiler alert for those of you who I know are considering watching the flick after reading this) he suffers some unknown frustration in his business and, instead of pounding out Rachmaninoff on the piano, takes her into the chamber (she tells him, "show me what the worst would be") and whacks her 6 times on the ass while bent over a table, making her count the strokes. THAT does it. She walks out, never (we hope against hope) to return. Gosh. Who wouldn't?!