OK, step right up! We've got brutal sex murders! We've got hookers and strippers! We've got bizarre rapes! We've got star power in Lance Henriksen! And we've got the lovely Misty Mundae, no stranger to sleaze and bondage!

Yes, once again my friends, I fell for the old "GIMP promotion" scheme that seems to be rampant these days for shitty mainstream movies. It works on me every time.

Dying God, a thriller about a supernatural lizard man raping and abducting hookers, is particularly despicable in this regard. The lack of GIMP scenes is appalling for a movie with such a premise. The production values are cheap and the acting is laughable. The worst part is that the producers seem to have thrown the plot, chemistry and all common sense out the window and focused solely on creating a dialogue filled with "tough guy talk."

The protagonist is a cop named Sean Fallon (James Horan) who's got some serious issues. He's a boozer, snorts coke, shakes down prostitutes and johns, and sells seized guns back on the streets.

He's assigned to investigate the murder of a prostitute, who near the start of the film is shown getting knocked down in the hall of her apartment building, which somehow reveals her tits.

The forensics guy, who no one seems to listen to throughout the movie, says the hooker was raped to death. The crime scene shows a huge hole in her stomach and three slash marks in her upper chest.

Our hero Fallon goes to a strip club for clues. He breaks up a blow job in a back room given by Mary (Mundae, billed as Erin Brown), and screws her in his car. It seems they are in a relationship of some sort. Cue tough guy talk: "You're gonna go out and buy me some booze or I'm gonna smack you around!"

Fallon gets a frantic call from another prostitute friend. On his way over, we get glimpses of a brunette with frizzy hair, cleave gagged, topless, nipple clamps connected with a chain and leather cuffs in a weak upper spreadeagle. She in ultra-short shiny red shorts and screams in fear as a tattooed guy in a leather mask-hood comes toward her holding a whip. There's a couple of dildos on a table.

Fallon interrupts and beats up the guy while the prostitute who called Fallon releases the victim. (Total accumulated bondage scene time was about 5 seconds.) Turns out the brunette is also a hooker and the whip holder is either a bad trick or a pimp. It's not explained, nor why he was gonna lash the hooker. Fallon lets him go with a tough-guy warning: "If I catch you around here again I'm gonna cut off your dick and stick it up your ass!"

Other women are being attacked or are disappearing. In one scene, a woman is dragged on the floor, and her unconscious and bloody (but clothed) body is raped as we hear the creature panting. The rape lasts for a few seconds. The other attacks are not shown; we only get some crime scene shots.

The city's pimps, including Chance (Henriksen), a gray-haired guy in a wheelchair that's pushed by an attractive, ass-kicking woman named Angel, get together to nail the killer. Their meeting is filled with cigarette smoke, skepticism and way too much testosterone. "Gonna have to work together to get this motherfucker," Chance growls, as he slams his gun down on the table.

Fallon, meanwhile, learns through a woman researcher that the rapist-killer may be a mythical beast that was a god to a now-extinct Amazonian tribe. It seems that the beast's sole purpose is to mate. Infertile women who are raped die because the monster's dick is so big.

At this point, I should have hit the stop button.

But no! This film has Misty Mundae and rapes galore, right? Right?

Anyhow, a guy pulls a knife on a hooker and slices open her bra. He pins her on a bed and rubs the blade between her natural tits. She maces him and her pimp, complete with tough-guy grin, blows off his head with a shotgun.

Fallon and Chance end up going to a dilapidated factory where the creature lives. They hear a woman scream and see blood on the ground.

Chance grumbles: "If that's Angel, I'll tear his fucking head off." (Yeah. I'm sure a 7-foot demon monster that's immune to bullets is absolutely terrified of an old guy in a wheelchair.)

They stumble across a woman's gutted body. Another blood-covered woman is tied one wrist to a pipe. A pregnant woman, roped loosely around neck to a pipe, has a creature fetus ripped out of her gut by the monster.

More cops show up and battle the creature, who fights remarkably like a guy in a rubber suit, while Chance finds Angel tied one wrist (loosely) to a pipe.

The rest of the movie involves a harpoon in Chance's wheelchair, a radial arm saw in pristine condition that the factory workers left behind years ago, and, of course, tough-guy talk: "C'mon big boy! Let's see how you handle this!"

As a GIMP movie, Dying God stinks. As a horror movie, Dying God stinks. As a sci-fi movie, Dying God stinks. As any form of entertainment, Dying God stinks.

I could use up all of the bandwidth on this site describing the gaping holes in the plot, but I'll spare you. Misty Mundae was a nonfactor in the movie and she's killed inexplicably and offscreen by the monster.

There's some glimpses of nudity in this movie, but who cares? The unexplained bondage scene is about the only good thing, but it was ridiculously brief and was stopped before the torture began. As the scene had absolutely nothing to do with the plot, I believe it was thrown in so that a still could be used to dupe GIMPers.

This is one of those films that do not even fit into the category of "so bad they're good." Bottom line is that any Amazonian tribe that worships such a lame god as this deserves to be extinct. As do the makers of such crap films.

But I heard the sequel's gonna be a total GIMP sleaze-fest. I can't wait!

GIMP scenes: D

Overall movie: D