Breeders is a guilty pleasure. It is without a doubt one of
the worst acted, worst scripted, worst paced movies I have ever seen.
But it has vignettes that, taken out of the context of the
excruciatingly bad movie, are actually fun. I think maybe a clip from Breeders
was one of the first excerpts I ever recorded for a "hot scenes"
compilation video.
All the movie really has is a single terrific creature rape,
although it features numerous creature assaults on hot women and, of
course, a lot of nudity. NOTE: There is a 1997 Breeders that,
in my opinion, is even worse than this one, and without the awesome
creature rape scene. Don't be fooled.
The movie begins with Donna (Natalie O'Connell) walking with an old
man when he cramps up, bends over in pain, and transforms into
something that tears the girl's dress, releases one breast from its
clothing captivity, and then picks her up and carries her off. As we
find out later in the hospital, she was raped and suffered acid burns
to her face. Plus, she was a virgin and *gasp* she is like the fifth
virgin to be raped and left in this condition in the last week or so.
She is being attended by a virgin doctor and a virgin nurse. What are
odds?
Next comes the hot scene, complete with creature rape. Karinsa
(Frances Raines) is a model doing a photoshoot and we get to watch some
of the photoshhot. She is so hot. The shoot breaks for lunch and
everyone except Karinsa leaves to go eat. She stays behind to exercise.
She starts her exercise by snorting two lines of coke, then strips
naked, turns on the tape player, and does a series of lovely stretching
exercises that really shows off her lithe, lean body. She has tan
lines, which makes her even sexier. She is cooling down laying flat on
the floor letting her hands roam teasingly over her body and you think
maybe she's going to, you know, touch herself, but she doesn't. We do
get a flash of pubic hair, though.
The photographer's assistant barges back in because he forgot his
billfold. Right. Karinsa covers herself with a towel and tells him its
okay that he walked in on her naked when suddenly he screams and
collapses and goes through a really cheesy transformation into a
creature. Karinsa screams and watches terrfied for awhile before she
runs and hides behind a backdrop, still clutching the towel around her
lean naked body. She pokes her head out to look around, and we can see
her smooth butt because the towel is really only covering her top when
she bends over like that. Very nice.
The shadow of the creature moves behind the backdrop toward Karinsa.
She looks around, panicked, and makes a run for it. The creature shows
itself and she turns, paralyzed at the sight. The creature shoots two
long thin tentacle-like things out of its fingers that neatly wrap
around Karinsa's delicate ankles, then jerks forward and Karinsa falls
to the studio floor flat on her back. She looks up, still clutching the
towel to her body, and continues screaming. A lot.
The creature pulls her forward. She struggles ineffectually. We get
a really nice side shot as she's being pulled across the floor showing
off her shapely leg and thigh. There's a Karinsa POV shot as the
creature looms over her. There's a creature POV shot showing Karinsa
and the creature's claw as it reaches down and finally rips the
towel from her body. It pulls her closer. Karinsa POV again as it
lowers onto her. A side shot of her lower leg and foot with the black
slimy creature body positioned between her legs. Her foot is twitching
and jerking reflexively as the creature rapes her. There is also
squishy sounds like it is a really sloppy rape. Cut away.
A bag lady gets offed in the tunnels. Nothing to see.
The virgin nurse Gail (Amy Bretano) walks home and into her
apartment and keeps acting like she's hearing noises. Then she decides
it must be nerves. So she undresses. In the kitchen. These New York
girls. She removes her blouse and she's not wearing a bra. She removes
her pants and she's not wearing any panties. That can't be good hygiene
for working in a hospital. She takes a shower and we get a nice slow
tour of her wet naked body as she soaps up and rinses off but no full
frontal nudity. She gets out and wraps a towel around her slender naked
body and hears a noise. When she investigates, a guy is sitting at her
table, which scares the hell out of her. But she invited him over and
was just surprised because he let himself in with the key she cleverly
hid above the doorsill.
She turns her back to him and continues her conversation but hears a
strange noise and when she turns back around the guy is dead and
there's a creature moving toward her. She screams a lot and the camera
closes in on her face so all we really get to see is her uvula working
overtime. Cut away.
Next we see the photographer (Lee Anne Baker) who was shooting
Karinsa in her studio. She gets a call from her other assistant, Alec,
who we discover during the course of the conversation is also a virgin.
It boggles the mind that there are so many hot looking virgins all in
the same few blocks in New York City in the mid-80s. But oh well. The
phone call ends and the studio lights go out. The photographer checks
the breaker box but the fuse looks fine. "Must be the main in the
basement," she says ominously. The photographer goes down to the
basement and the creature follows her down. It attacks her. She screams.
Back in the hospital, we discover that the acid burns on all the
rape victims have miraculously healed.
Back to the photographer, who is sitting on the floor looking dazed.
She stands up and we see that she is no longer wearing any pants
(although her shirt is long enough that we can't tell if she is wearing
panties but I suspect not), and her legs are streaked with the black
ooze stuff that marks where a creature has spent some quality rape
time. It is safe to assume that the photographer was also a virgin but
now she is a creature rape victim. She walks off in a trance-like state.
Back in the hospital, Donna wakes up, stabs an orderly, and walks
naked out of her room and down the hall and no one notices. Nice full
length views of the naked Donna as she walks away, plus some shots of
her walking through tunnels but no full frontal shots.
The virgin doctor and the detective have discovered that all
of the rape victim girls are missing except for Karinsa, so the virgin
doctor orders a 24-hour guard around Karinsa.
Alec, the virgin photographer's assistant gets home and answers the
phone. It is her mother asking, apparently, if she is still a virgin
because that's the topic of conversation. While she is talking to mom,
Alec undresses down to her black bikini panties and puts on a white
button-front shirt that looks like a man's dress shirt. I was wondering
how the virgin Alec came to have a man's white dress shirt in her
apartment. She no sooner hangs up the phone than a guy in a black
leather jacker grabs her from behind and tells her "pain or pleasure,
it's her choice." Nice rapist line.
The rapist takes off his jacket to reveal his bare chest, covered in
virile chest hair, and tells her it's her turn, so she hesitatingly
undoes the top button of her shirt. The guy brandishes a long knife and
has nonconsensual sex in his eye. How could it possibly get any worse
for the virgin Alec? How about a creature shows up, grabs the knife,
slashes the rapist across the face so that he falls screaming onto the
already screaming Alec and bleeds out all over her white shirt. Alec
looks up at the creature and screams and we cut away before we get any
creature sex action.
Back to Karinsa in the hospital. She sits up suddenly and I am
gratifed to see that she is not naked in her hospital bed, like Donna
was, but that she promptly takes off her hospital gown. Let me take
just a moment here to point out that Frances Raines has the nicest pear
shaped breasts, with large dark aureoli and substantial (and hard)
nipples. She looks incredible sitting up in bed and I used to think how
cool it would be to wake up to that every day. Alas, her last movie was
in 1987.
A doctor was sitting by her bedside and watches her walk away,
mesmerized if he's anything like me. He follows her down into the
abandoned tunnels under the hospital. Eventually we see where she's
headed: The Virgin Vat. All the other naked girl rape victims are
already there, wallowing around in a vat of gooey white creamy stuff
that looks for all the world like semen and that's probably what it's
supposed to look like. Whoever came up with the concept of a vat filled
with that much semen probably has ejaculation issues. They welcome
Karinsa and she climbs in to join them.
We get to watch the five or six naked girls wallow and roll around
in the semen-filled vat making pleasurable moaning sounds for awhile
until they are electrocuted by the virgin doctor and the detective to
keep them from reproducing and unleashing an army of creatures on the
earth. I'm pretty sure you got so see all the breasts if you paid
attention.
The movie ends with the detective and the virgin doctor in bed where
he has apparently cured her of her virgintity when suddenly he turns
into a creature. Psych! It was only a dream and the movie ends with the
virgin doctor alone in bed crying hysterically.
I cannot begin to describe how bad this movie was, and how hard it
was to listen to the stilted dialog and follow along the predictable
plot. It was almost unwatchable, except it did feature a lot of nudity.
However, the creature rape scene with Karinsa did it for me the first
time I saw the movie and still does it for me today. She is just so
hot, bouncing around doing her exercises and stretching languorously
afterwards and the creature pulling her inexorably closer and seeing
her feet jerking and twitching were all such great effects. The movie
sucks but that scene is a solid B for me.
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