Bloodsucking Freaks: The movie itself is actually semi-autobiographical, as it tells the story of the foray, albeit brief, of Ralphus and I in Grand Guignol Theatre. Now, of course, rather than be so debased as to use play actors, Ralphus and I hit upon the fine idea of using real life slave girls... that we had found about, here and there. Many associates were quite kind enough to ship us a variety of naked slave girls for this purpose, and after we were done with them, if they survived, we would send the now, fully trained and obedient girl to her new master. It was quite the arrangement.

All was going quite well, until some vile villain named Creasy Silo elected to give our show a poor review... can you imagine our despair? Ralphus and I did our best to overcome this.. we played darts and drank beer to alleviate the tension and stress we were under. Fortunately, we found a deviant girl with the finest ass to help with target practice... though at the END, methinks she was not quite pleased at helping us.

We also played backgammon. Some might find fingers distasteful as a means of bartering, but it does keep a girl's fingers out of the cookie jar, yes? Ralphus ended up beating me that time... it cost her... I mean me, and arm and a leg.

The movie does a fine job capturing our top notch slave girl training methods in action. There is a fine electro torture scene with a naked lass... and Ralphus quite skillful in the way he attached the electrodes to the girl's rosy nipples. Only a few jolts, and the rebellious slut was ready to do our bidding.

A stubborn lass finds her way to stretching on a St. Andrews cross, though I dare say, the director was a bit squeamish on this, and the scene is not quite as convincing as it could have been...

Oh, and then there is the cute little scene with the school girl and the guillotine. Ralphus did a wonderful job of caning her fine ass, yet sadly, the girl lost her head over the whole affair.

Oh, but back to the plot of the movie, yes? I digress. So, the villain Creasy Silo gives our production a poor review, so, what else can a downtrodden S&M Master and his deviant height challenged friend do but kidnap him and show him the error of his ways?

Oh, and we did up our game a bit as well, just to show that we could take constructive criticism. The lovely ballerina Natasha DeNatalie was tortured.. er.. I mean volunteered to join our happy little troupe and put on a top notch show... would you believe that even then, that critic didn't want to give us a good review?