A Bring Out the GIMP (Girls in Merciless Peril) Movie Review


Abduction (2009)

Reviewed by John Galt


Abduction DVD CoverI was bored enough to troll through Netflix Streaming and came across a movie called Abduction, starring... well, nobody of any consequence. The premise is awesome. It is about a town that lures in hot young women, kidnaps them, and then sells them into slavery or harvests them for organs. They also harvest organs from guys, but who cares. Also, they rape some of the women pregnant and then sell the babies. And they've been doing it for over a hundred years, so they have it down to a science.

The movie is available in an Unrated version, but I can't tell if the Netflix version is that version or the R-rated version. It has nudity and rape and bondage. This has a lot of potential to be an incredible GIMP flick, right? Well, what this movie actually is is a textbook example of how to completely screw up a can't-miss premise.

We can start with the women. They are mostly unattractive and almost exclusively tatted up. On the bright side, there are some hideous breast implants to occasionally distract you from the ugly tats.

The women are generally in a drugged stupor or unconscious. The few scenes with struggling women are rare and brief. While they are being impregnated, they are unconscious and carefully covered up with sheets and have bags over their heads. I suspect maybe it was the same one or two women used over and over again, just with different colored panties.

Speaking of "colored" (bad pun alert), there's also a racist aspect to the movie. The townsfolk have to go out and find some black guys to rape the black women, because the white Head Rapist just refuses to touch black women. (That's where he draws the line.) This happened early in the movie, while I was still engaged enough to be paying attention, so it occurred to me to wonder if there was really such a big demand for black babies that they needed to worry so much about it to keep the business viable and profitable.

Anyway, first, they tried to get a Cuban guy to do it, but he just wasn't, you know, dark enough. (I'm not making this up.) So they hired some black rapist guys at $250,000 a year. Not bad work, I guess, if you can get it. And, on the plus side, with black rapist guys they can keep using the white women and still get dark babies.

Yes, this movie is not only boring and tasteless, it is also offensive.

But getting back to the GIMP, there was a standing stocks on display (with a woman fastened into it), but mostly the women were laid on their backs on a table topless. Some ankle cuffs were used. Some tasering and what looked like a cattle prod was used once or twice on the women. One or two instances of over-the-shoulder carrying. No gags of any kind that I can recall, although already I am trying to forget as much as I can about this travesty.

This was almost two hours of kidnapping and raping a variety of women and it was so bad, and crawled by so slowly, that I wanted to scream. I couldn't even make myself go back through it a second time in order to do vidcaps. Unattractive, tatted up women, bad acting (when there was acting) by everyone involved, lousy production values, bad ad-libbed dialogue or an even worse example of a script (take your pick), and the most boring excuse for kidnap, rape and GIMP that I have seen in a very, very long time. I cannot think of a single positive aspect to this film.

My recommendation is to avoid wasting almost two hours of your life watching this movie. Even if you fast-forward to what looks like the good parts, you will be disappointed. This flick falls into that category of movies where I subtract points for a potentially good idea mishandled in a cinematically criminal manner. I can imagine ways it might have been worse--although not too many--so I will grade this a D.

If you don't have Netflix, and I haven't done a good enough job of dissuading you, you can buy it from Amazon. Don't be fooled by the DVD cover. It suggests a far better movie than it delivers.


My Grade: D

Amazon.com




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