A Bring Out the GIMP (Girls in Merciless Peril) Movie Review


The Abduction of Lorelei

Reviewed by John Galt


The Abduction of Lorelei is a XXX grindhouse flick starring Serena (using the name Jenn Gillian, for some reason) and John Galt (not me and no relation). It involves the abduction of Lorelei and her subsequent ransoming. Serena was known for doing some rough stuff, so I thought maybe this might be worthwhile.

The movie begins with Serena shopping. She gets kidnapped pretty quickly. See, she pulls up her car into the middle of a deserted parking lot and doesn't think it's strange when a big white step van and a Ford Mustang each pull up on each side of her, even though there are empty parking spaces for, like, miles around. She gets out of her car and is grabbed by two guys, who manhandle her into the van. One of the kidnapper guys looks like Barry Gibb back in the day, by the way.

Serena puts up a pretty good fight. Her wrists are bound in front of her using rope and while one guy (the one who looks like Barry Gibb) drives the van back to "the hideout," the other guy tears at her clothes and pretty much exposes her and fingers her and eats her out and makes her suck him off except it looks a lot like XXX inserts instead of the Real Thing. I don't get it. Serena is an adult performer so why would she not do her own sex scene close-ups? Maybe they added them in post-production. The rape scene in the van is not satisfying. Serena is kind of fighting but not really. The guy rolls her body into strange contorted positions so her can lick her pussy from innovative angles. It was sort of like they were just trying to do things you don't normally see and frankly would never normally care to do.

They get to the hideout and the kidnappers (two guys and a girl) wrestle Serena into the house and onto the bed. She halfway fights them as they do it, but with her hands tied in front of her like that she could have been whacking the hell out of them. And even though one person each took one leg, she could have kicked the shit out of them as well. I guess maybe she didn't want them to drop her.

They toss her on the bed and tie her ankles together and then raise her feet up into the air over her head and take ransom Polaroid pictures of her with her sex exposed. (Polaroids are what people did for dirty pictures before digital cameras.) The kidnappers even kind of pose with her and her sex, which if you are taking notes about doing your own abduction is not a great idea. They also push an empty Dr Pepper bottle into her vagina and take pictures of that. I'll bet Dr Pepper did not pay for that product placement.

They leave her tied up on the bed, her hands tied in front of her, and she stays there. Okay, you know, use your teeth to help untie the hand ropes and use your hands, even if they are still tied together, to undo your feet bonds. That's like the first thing you learn in Hostage Escape 101. So minus points for that oversight. Her arms should have been pulled over her head and tied to the top of the bed and her feet should have been pulled to the foot of the bed and bound there. But no. A potentially good bondage scene ruined.

The girl kidnapper returns to clean her up and promptly unties her hands and feet and goes down on her and before you know it we have "69" (the position, not the year) lesbian sex going on.

Next scene of significance, we see Serena sitting at the kitchen table being fed soup by the girl kidnapper because her hands are still tied in front of her. You know, she could feed herself even with her hands tied like that. Eventually, the girl kidnapper unties her hands. Then they have more lesbian sex, with Serena as a fully willing participant. The Stockholm Syndrome doesn't usually work quite this quickly.

The kidnappers get their money and celebrate and everyone drinks a lot and falls asleep except for Barry Gibb. He goes to Serena's room, where she is sleeping naked on top of the bedspread, untied, just a few feet away from a sliding glass door through which she could have fled while all the drinking was going on. He wakes her and takes hold of her ankles and pulls her feet up and apart and moves up between her legs and she struggles and I had forgotten how hot Serena could look with her long slender legs up in the air and wide apart. She struggles. The other guy kidnapper awakens from his drunken stupor and follows the sounds of screaming to the room and pulls Barry Gibb off of Serena before he gets too far. A fight ensues. Barry Gibb is shot and dies.

Serena wraps her lithe naked body around the guy who did the shooting and as a reward she pulls him to the bed and commiserates with him and says it'll be okay and then they fuck like bunnies. First in missionary, then he rolls her over and attempts penetration from the rear, but he is too limp so Serena sucks his cock for a while to restore some wood and then she straddles him and manages to get him inside of her. He finally gets her bent over on her knees and does her doggie style, although he still looks pretty limp to me. This scene has no violence or bondage or even any heat for that matter. Still, Serena graciously makes noises like she actually feels him.

Afterwards, he gets up and lights up a cigarette and Serena picks up the gun sitting on the nightstand and shoots him. She gets dressed, drives the Mustang out past a Shakey's Pizza Parlor to the Holiday Inn and picks up the girl kidnapper, who has the briefcase full of money and they do a Meaningful Lesbian Kiss With Fully Extended Tongue in silhouette to let us know it's True Love. The end.

So a not-completely-lame kidnapping scene, and a not-completely-lame rape scene, but bondage that wouldn't hold anyone. No gags. Lots of ho-hum sex, mostly of the lesbian variety. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And Serena really was pretty hot. So I'm going to be nice and give this a D+.


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